He may fantasize about a future together with you and speak about those fantasies, but hasn’t the slightest inclination to make it all come true. When a man and woman fall in love and come together, it is common to have fears come up about losing one’s separate sense of self, one’s space, one’s own identity and unique pursuits and interests. So how do you tell the difference between normal fears and hard-core commitmentphobia? If a man’s fears are at the normal level, they do not stop him from moving forward over time into increasing intimacy and commitment. In other words, no matter how much love you pour into him, it goes nowhere.
So how do you tell if he has potential to get over this fears? Showing willingness to work on himself by taking growth or spiritual courses? Once the deeper fear is triggered, whether it is by the prospect of seeing each other more regularly, discussing a future together, moving in, or getting engaged, a man with extreme fear will at a fundamental level do all he can to pull back.
According to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) group it’s “An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.” How do you know if he (or she) is a narcissist? Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.
Sometimes it is hard to tell if your boyfriend has an unworkable commitment phobia or more normal fears that he is willing to work on. He is not willing to examine himself, his motives, or his fears.
Here is a ten-part checklist to help you tell the difference between normal fears and commitment phobia. Trying to be self-reflective by talking about his issues and fears with you in an effort to deal with them and move forward? Here’s what you need to understand: This type of guy does not want to change.
Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous neither endorses nor recommends the following books; they are identified only to provide individuals with the opportunity to learn about other material dealing with addiction to sex, love and relationships. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.